New Rules

Dear Risk Computer Game, New Rule: Stop frakking beating me. In fact stop making it so damn impossible for me to beat you. I swear you materialise extra troops out of nowhere. Oh and stop ganging up on me. Even when you have no one to gang up with you still gang up on me. I know it's a fix. Now stop it; I'm on to you. You don't get to do this any more.

Dear Twitter, New Rule: You have to get a grip. Seriously how can you be over capacity 80% of the time. How come facebook never does that? There are never too many people on facebook is there. You want people to think facebook is better than you? No? Then sort it out. The whale was cute the first time but for the 92nd time in one minute when all I want to do is make a tweet ranting about Risk I'm pretty damn pissed off. I'm beginning to think you have some kind of deal with that whale? Did you get involved in drugs? Is he some gangsta Mafia boss? Or a loan shark perhaps? Whatever I say you have to get a grip so go do it.

Dear Brain, New Rule: Lie ins. I know it's light but seriously brain we don't have to get up. There is no work to be done so what's the rush? Now I wouldn't complain so much if it was 7am we were talking about but no 5 or 6am seems to be your new get up time. Well guess what brain, since you don't let me sleep until gone 1am I don't want to get up at 6 I want to be a rebel and stay in bed and I'm in charge so that's the last I want to hear of it.

Dear Posters, New Rule: Stay on my bloody walls. So you can quite happily hang on my wall for months at a time and then all of sudden you just fall down with no explanation and then no matter how much new blu tak I put on you still keep falling down. Why do you do that? Do you want me room to look bare? Do you want me to come home and think my room has been raided because you are strewn across the floor with the stuff from the shelves littering the floor around you?

Dear Megavideo, New Rule: Go fuck yourself. That is all.