A little Eurovision Round Up

Ok so the great spectacle of cheese was held last night and so here are a few thoughts and opinions on the entries. A little brief as I should have done this last night before my memory started to go! 

Azberbijan: Safura: ‘Drip Drop’. Ok she was fine. Could sing and was had creatively made a lovely dress out of crepe paper. But not (apart from the dress) Eurovision quality.

Spain: Daniel Diggs: ‘Something Tiny’. Well the best bit about that was the Eurovision ‘streaker’ and hen we had to hear it all over again. Although I did like the crazy dancers.

Norway: Didrik Solli-Tangen ‘My Heart is Yours’. Clearly Norway didn’t want to host Eurovision again.

Moldova: Sunstroke Project ‘Run Away’. Good Advice.

Cyprus: Jon Lilygreen ‘Life Looks Better in Spring’. Thought the Welsh entry was quite nice. A little bland and boring though.

Bosnia and Herzegovina: Vukasin Barjic ‘Thunder and Lightning’. Was he the one in the red suit?

Belgium: Tom Dice ‘Me and My Guitar’. I’d have you and your guitar any time. Hot and he could actually sing, one of the very few who could.

Serbia: Milan Stankovic ‘Ove Je Balkan’. Looked like he was made of plastacine. WTF is the best way to sum it up.

Belarus: 3+2 ‘Butterflies’. As Graham Norton said clearly can’t count to 5 or don’t have a word for it. Oh and I want one of those dresses. Just so I can pop them up and make people pee their pants with laughter.

Ireland: Niamh Kavanagh ‘It’s For you’. Excellent singer, nice song. But boring. Seriously you think this is Eurovision material?

Greece: Giorgos Alkaois and Friends ‘OPA’. OPA!!! Should have one.

United Kingdom: Josh ‘That Sounds good to me’. No that didn’t sound good to me. It was awful. Ten points was too high.

Georgia: Sofia Nicharadze ‘Shine’. Nice floaty dresses. Can’t remember the song so guess it wasn’t that good.

Turkey: maNga ‘We could be the same’. Nice band but please get a new lead singer. He didn’t suit the band at all. And do they think they are teenagers wHo All tYPe liKe tHiS?

Albania: Juliana Pasha ‘It’s all about you’. Thought she was going to be some Lady Gaga/ Madonna wannabe but was surprisingly good.

Iceland: Hera Bjork ‘Je ne Sais Quoi’. I liked this. It was cheesy dance, what’s not to like? But I think she might have been the same woman as the Irish entry.

Ukraine: Aloysha ‘Sweet People’. Shut up. I don’t want to hear your messages. Frankly they’re a bit old. Come back with a cheesy number and then I might listen.

France: Jessy Matador ‘Allez Olla Ole’. Another awesome Eurovision cheese number. Going to be singing the all world cup.

Romania: Paula Seling and Ovi ‘Playing with Fire’. Awkward double piano number. I forgot about it so you can tell just how good it was.

Russia: Peter Nalitch and friends ‘Lost and Forgotten’. Ok the biro drawing picture was quite funny but it seemed more like what you would find down the pub than in Eurovision.

Armenia: Eva Rivas ‘Apricot Stone sponsored by the Armenian Apricot Growers Association and Wonder bra’. Are they even in Europe?

Germany: Lena ‘Satellite’. Cheated. Clearly. Also apparently that was supposed to be an English accent. Sing in German and you’d probably sound much better. Oh and don’t dance again. Ever.

Portugal: Fillipa Azevedo ‘Ha Dias Assim’. Nice voice but I have no idea what language you were singing in.

Israel: Harel Skaat ‘Milim’. What emotion are you trying to convey?

Denmark: Chanee and N’evergreen ‘In a moment like this’. Lawsuit on its way. ‘Every Breath You Take’ with a bit of Abba mixed in.

In our world Greece, Iceland and Belgium came joint first. So is shall leave you with one word:

 OPA!!!! 

Maryland Cookies... The kind of disappointment that breaks your heart.

These are Maryland Cookies:

Look at them in their shiny packets, looking all delicious and yummy. It screams satisfaction and pure unadulterated cookie joy at you. You must have them and you must have them now. Beneath the shiny wrapper is a treasure worth more than all the gold in the world, a taste sensation that will make your day. You can hardly contain your excitement as you delicately rip the shiny foil encasing the small bites of heaven inside. You gently lift one cookie out and take the first bite waiting for the joy and extreme yummyness to hit you. But it never comes.

First you realise these are no cookies, they are merely biscuits. They are not deliciously chewy instead they crumble like your run of the mill biscuit  Then you notice they are too small; any joy would be fleeting and heartbreaking like waiting months to see a programme only for them to cancel it after the first episode. And they're tasteless as well all except for an after taste of salt. These are not what you anticipated, there is no cookie satisfaction or a taste sensation so strong you want to scream in pleasure. 

Instead your heart breaks and a wave of intense disappointment washes over you building up into a deep depression. You feel violated and cheated on. How could they worm their way into your heart like that and then break it without a second thought? How can they sit their on the side so casually as your life lies in pieces around you? You desperately seek for some comfort, anything, and so you gorge yourself on the whole pack which causes you to feel fat and once again you have been violated by these small bites of hell. You vow never to turn to these servants of the devil again. But you will. They just keep drawing you in with their alluring  

packaging.

There are many things in life that constitute as a Maryland Disappointment. Cross Country Trains for instance. You think they're going to be so exciting, a welcome change to the frustrating First Great Western but no their shiny exterior has roped you in and then wiped the floor with you. Underneath all their fancy doors and computer displays they are really just as rubbish as any other train. 

Now it's this kind of Maryland disappointment which led me to being called a Geek failure! (Jokingly of course). I haven't seen 'Iron Man' yet. I always meant to go and see but never got round to it and this is partly due to the fact I will feel a huge Maryland disappointment when I do. You see in my head I associate the Iron Man with my favourite Ted Hughes Poem/ Short Story 'The Iron Man'. As a child I loved it and obviously I know 'The Iron Man' and 'Iron Man' are completely different but I can't get my mind to realise this.       

It's a good job I don't have to do pictures for my exam...

It really is a good job. I have an over active imagination at the best of times and boredom only increases it. Revision is boring. Fact. Therefore my imagination gets more and more wild as I revise.

If I had to draw pictures for my exam I would fail. I don't imagine the real things in my mind, I imagine crazy things. Take the Ottoman Empire. In my head it's inhabited by these people:

And in the Dalmatian empire you would find these:

And then there is a Historian named Sushil. You see the mind immediately sees that if you remove the 'L' his name is Sushi and therefore he looks like this:

And I've been revising the Jews so of course I've been imaging them all as Ninjews! Maybe revision isn't as boring as I first thought.

Antz

Ok ok I left a glass in my room over night, so sue me.

In my defence it was 2am and I'd had enough trouble stumbling to the kitchen to get the drink and wasn't about to go back. I didn't really see how it could cause anyone any offence. I was very wrong. Somehow the ants seemed to see it as sufficient provocation to launch a full scale attack on our house.

I awoke to find thousands of their soldiers swarming over the glass and parading under my door and up the bookcase. But if the ants thought I would give in and let our house be taken easily they were wrong. I grabbed the glass and ran out of my room, down the hall, through the living room and in to the kitchen, squealing all the way. Well wouldn't you when faced with million of these:

I dunked the glass in the sink and turned on the tap full blast. I then returned to deal with the stragglers with a hot damp cloth as that was the best thing I could think of at the time as I was pretty sure neither Cillit Bang nor Weed Killer would really do the trick. Upon returning I found that dealing with the stragglers might need a bit more than a cloth. This was a full blown invasion. The ant army had set up camp all along the hall and advance parties were already being sent out all over the house.

It was scary. There were so many of them. We didn't stand a chance. They laughed at my wet cloth. 'Ha ha,' they sneered, 'You can't win. We will be victorious.'

There was nothing for it. Reinforcements would have to be brought in. The ants must have partied as we left the house. I imagined them drinking and jeering about 'weak humans who don't fight back.' But once again they were wrong.

I returned several hours later ant traps and spray in hand. 'Is that it?' they laughed as ant traps were strategically placed.

'Right no more Miss Nice Guy!' I cried as I pulled a can of ant killing spray from behind my back. My finger poised over the trigger. 'This is your last chance. Leave or die.'

They ignored me.

With a cry of 'Take that you little fuckers!' My finger hit the trigger and a fine mist of toxic gas rained down on the battlefield.

This story concludes with this message to all ants: STAY OUT OR DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH

Also I have to admit the dinosaur story might not be ready for a while. But maybe if you're lucky I'll let you have a sneak preview.

And now an amusing aside: It's no wonder we didn't fancy finishing our drinks in Starbucks.

Ok so this isn't a Dinosaur Story...

But it is a blog post only a couple of days after the last one. The dinosaurs are a work in progress; the illustration is a little time consuming and I need to revise. In other words I can't do anything that takes up a lot of time instead I can do lots of little things that probably add up to the same amount of time it took to do the long thing. I mean things like painting my nails all sorts of bright colours and clearing out my wardrobe. Which brings me nicely to the topic of my blog. Cleaning out my wardrobe. This will probably end up being totally dumb and not interesting at all so consider this bed time reading for insomniacs or something.

Ok so my wardrobe's been looking a bit full lately. Mostly because I have habit of hoarding things just in case and because I get bored with clothes very quickly (this is why Primark is my shop of choice). A sort out seemed the way to go. I had visions of filling several black sacks of clothes but in reality only managed one. Partly because my wardrobe isn't actually that full it's just a mess, full of crap and as I found out, on the point of imminent collapse. It's one of those ones made out of cloth held up by metal poles so it was pretty easily fixed.

Anyway the clearing session provided half an hour of amusement for me and my best friend (who was provided with a running commentary via msn). I found I was keeping 2 pairs of jeans in which I have worn away the crotch completely in - what the hell kind of just in case situation would require them?

Lurking under a couple of skanky tops (chucked) I found a pair of leggings I forgot I had which then required me to try them on with everything I own. Continuing with the trying on phase I discovered some shorts which had been jeans and decided I was probably never going to wear them but should keep them just in case. Next came some long short thingys which I totally reject are the size they say they are because I can't get them over my ass! I had a slight grump with them in which I accused them of calling me fat and saying my bum looked big in them. So you can imagine they were chucked pretty fast.

The Fat Face jeans get to stay. They don't fit but the point is they might fit again some day and they are Fat Face jeans and are there for EXPENSIVE. And I may need them just in case. What if I wake up morning and I discover I have lost half my body weight and I have no jeans to fit? See I'm covering all eventualities.

Sparkly Hotpants = Fashion Disaster of the century. But they do look rather ace. But when the hell am I going to wear them again? Its not like I dress up as a clanger on a weekly basis. (I did once hence the hotpants although they were originally from another fancy dress. What's that? This is a picture blog? Ok then)

See I even had a moon. And I seem to like that pose with one leg up on something. Also I look vaguely demonic in the second one. Anyway the hotpants have gone.

Then I found a trilby. It was not sparkly like the one in the picture above so it hasn't been saved. Well I say that but I am thinking about it. I mean I wore it for most of the afternoon. It kind of made me look like a cross between a gangster and an Amish person (Google images informs me I mean Orthodox Jew. I am also wondering why an image search for 'orthodox jew' brings up a picture of Captain Kirk. Oh wow and a Ninjew. That's like a ninja but an orthodox jew ninja. Awesome.) Anyway what I'm trying to say is that the hat is funky in a it's so stupid kind of way but I can't actually think of a just in case so I can't keep it.

Then I tried on everything in my wardrobe because it wasted some more time. And this may possibly have been the worst/ most boring blog ever.You know when you have a brilliant idea in your head and when you write it doesn't really sound so good? Well that's what happened here. However my few (none) readers means I can't exactly lose many by writing utter nonsense.

I promise you the blogs will get better (well lets face it they can't get worse) and there will be a dinosaur story soon.

EDIT: Here's a better Ninjew Link. I want to meet a Ninjew. I'm now quite a fan.

More Craft.... Boy I need to update more!

Ok so this might be another epic craft post but the again it might not be. I can't remember if I've actually made anything.

Ok first of all I finally (in April finished the boyfriend's Xmas present.... ooops only a bit late). Here it is:

He's a dragon cat made from some rather funky suit material and bits of felt. I think I'm most proud of his wings as they look quite awesome but you can't see them in this picture. Oh and his name is Sir Paws III of Kent.

Hmm I said 'epic craft post' didn't I? I haven't actually made anything else (unless you'd like a photo of my dissertation and stack of essays?!) So just to make up for it here is a photo of three of my plushie creations:

All three were inspired by this rather awesome book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Plush-o-Rama-Curious-Creatures-Immature-Adults/dp/1579908780/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274266872&sr=1-2

I graduate in 2 months time (in fact exactly 2 months) which should hopefully mean more time for sewing and blogging and stuff. I already have some future crafty projects lines up (see this is an epic craft post). I need to finish the bag I began ages ago (see the last epic craft post) and make my best friends birthday present (her birthday was in January...) and I've also said I'll make a wallet for the lovely Talia and I think my sister wanted me to make her something to give to her boyfriend. I also hope to open an online shop if I can make enough things which are good enough to sell. I've got a bunch of little keyrings and bag charms (well plush bag charms) which I want to sell.

Anyway I am actually supposed to be revising for my history exam so I should go. But I intend to be back in the next few days with The Best (and fully illustrated) Dinosaur Story Ever Told.